I have always been a calm in the storm kind of gal, only collapsing once the emergency or danger has passed. The last years when it seems the emergency has lasted over decades that I have doubted myself being able to cope when the going gets hard. But if not me, who? I may not be able to stop a flood, but by damn I can still fill sandbags. And I think we will need that.
Sue, what you’re describing isn’t failure. It’s delayed strength. You hold steady while it matters...then let the weight land later. That’s not collapse...that’s how calm people survive long emergencies.
And...you named the truth most avoid: this hasn’t been a momentary crisis...it’s been unending pressure. Anyone who hasn’t doubted themselves under that is...either numb or lying.
“If not me, who?”
That’s not ego. That’s clarity.
You’re right...no one stops the flood alone. But floods are held back by people willing to keep filling sandbags...LONG after it’s stopped feeling heroic.
Yup Yup and Yup.. surviving yeah I’ve been doing that my entire life. And thru surviving.. I created a life. It’s pretty damn good. Thanks for the reminder Jack.. it’s been a hell of a day.. my MIL just past away this morning. Out of the 3 kids ( hubby is the youngest) the eldest is having a breakdown.. the middle never got along with her mother ( they’re very much alike) and my hubby is like..it is what it is. The writing was on the wall for a while now.. Fvck I’m emotionally tanked. I’ve fielded calls from all 3 today and their emotions.. I wish I could drink..hmmm Ice cream will suffice. A few bites and I’ll be good 😌
Yup, Morgan. And what you just described...is the strength I was pointing at.
Surviving… while creating a life that’s actually good.
Holding space for three very different emotional responses...without collapsing into any of them.
Knowing you’re tanked, naming it...and choosing the thing that soothes instead of numbs.
That’s regulation under pressure. That’s resilience without drama.
And...days like this...are exactly when it shows up...not as force...but as steadiness.
You didn’t cause the fracture in that family...and you’re not responsible for fixing it. You’re doing what you’ve always done: absorbing what’s YOURS to carry...and setting down what isn’t.
I’m really sorry about your MIL. Even when the writing’s on the wall...the day itself still hits hard. Let yourself be done for today.
Ice cream absolutely counts as wisdom here.
You don’t need to power through this one.
You’re already doing enough...quietly...competently...and exactly as you are!
You have absolutely no idea how this is particularly important for me to read this today. I have printed this post out to constantly remind me. You see I had a mini meltdown over some studying I was doing for my Italian drivers test (consisting of a possible 7,000 tricky questions in Italian). My husband reminded me that I have accomplished other harder things. I followed his advice and went and did some other things. Later I figured a better way to study. Joining your substack has been more than worth it. You have helped me in many ways. Grazie Mille!
That means more than you probably realize, Linn... truly.
What happened today wasn’t a failure moment. It was a pattern interrupt moment. You hit frustration...paused.........instead of spiraling...remembered your own history of competence...stepped away...then found a smarter approach.
That’s not luck...that’s earned self-trust reasserting itself.
Your husband was right, but more importantly...you listened. That’s what resilient people do. They don’t power through blindly...they recalibrate.
And let me say this clearly:
Studying 7,000 tricky questions in a second language is not “small.” It feels small only because you’ve already done hard things...which skews your internal yardstick.
Printing the post tells me something else too...you’re building anchors. Reminders...that you can touch when the mind gets noisy. That...is wisdom.
I’m genuinely honored the work here has helped you...and grateful you’re part of this community.
True strength isn’t the bombast we’re taught to admire — it’s the quiet resilience you’ve already been using your whole life, even when scared. Recognizing that inner capacity is how individuals and democracies endure strain, not collapse.
Side note: Appreciate returning to your old profile picture. A guy in a baseball cap isn’t a superhero — we all need some structure and foundation to navigate the world. No offense intended.
Thanks for the reminder. I don’t really think about it but, objectively, I’ve survived a bunch of stuff that would be considered traumatic. I just call it life and I carry on. I don’t deny it, but it doesn’t run my life. I learned at an early age that shit happens, and it sucks, but you don’t let it control you. If that’s what you’re talking about, then yeah.
Yes, Chichi...that’s EXACTLY what I’m talking about.
What you’re describing isn’t denial or minimization. It’s INTEGRATION. You don’t pretend hard things didn’t happen...but you also don’t hand them the steering wheel. That’s a learned skill...usually forged early...usually without applause.
A lot of people think resilience means “I’m fine.”
What you’re describing...is more precise: “This happened. It mattered. And...I still choose how I move forward.”
That’s not toughness for show. That’s agency...under REALISM.
Calling it “just life” doesn’t mean it wasn’t traumatic...it means you refused to let the trauma become your identity. You absorbed it...adapted...and carried on. Quietly. Effectively.
I have a reminder printed on an index card that asks:
ARE YOU MAKING CHOICES THAT DEMONSTRATE A SUPPORT FOR THE GOALS YOU'VE SET?
I don’t post it in one place, but move it around every few days so that I see it anew. It has been on the refrigerator, food pantry, cupboard, kitchen window, bathroom mirror, above the wall calendar, the microwave door. Thank you for the reminder that I have personal agency over more than I realize.
You’re not outsourcing discipline to mood or motivation...you’re engineering awareness.
Moving the question so it stays fresh...is exactly how people with real agency operate. You’re not trying to be perfect...you’re trying to stay ORIENTED.
And...that question is the right one. Not “are you succeeding?” Not “are you failing?”
But, are your choices aligned...today, in THIS moment.
That’s where power actually lives.
What matters most...is what you named at the end: realizing you have more agency than the stress narrative wants you to believe. When things feel heavy...or overwhelming...the mind shrinks the field of control. Your practice...EXPANDS it again.
That’s not self-help. That’s self-command.
I’m glad the reminder landed when it did. And...I’m glad you’re here; people who ask questions like that...quietly change outcomes...even...when no one’s watching!
As always THANK YOU.
You're welcome, Deborah. And, as always...thank YOU. :)
-Jack
Well, now. This DID hit home. Thank you for reminding me.
Outstanding, Roberta. You're welcome. Truly.
-Jack
My word for the day is resilience... and I've got it in SPADES!!!
I LOVE THIS!
-Jack
I have always been a calm in the storm kind of gal, only collapsing once the emergency or danger has passed. The last years when it seems the emergency has lasted over decades that I have doubted myself being able to cope when the going gets hard. But if not me, who? I may not be able to stop a flood, but by damn I can still fill sandbags. And I think we will need that.
#HoldFast
Sue
Sue, what you’re describing isn’t failure. It’s delayed strength. You hold steady while it matters...then let the weight land later. That’s not collapse...that’s how calm people survive long emergencies.
And...you named the truth most avoid: this hasn’t been a momentary crisis...it’s been unending pressure. Anyone who hasn’t doubted themselves under that is...either numb or lying.
“If not me, who?”
That’s not ego. That’s clarity.
You’re right...no one stops the flood alone. But floods are held back by people willing to keep filling sandbags...LONG after it’s stopped feeling heroic.
That’s how this works.
And...yes...we’re going to need that.
#HoldFast
-Jack
I hear you, Sue!
Yup Yup and Yup.. surviving yeah I’ve been doing that my entire life. And thru surviving.. I created a life. It’s pretty damn good. Thanks for the reminder Jack.. it’s been a hell of a day.. my MIL just past away this morning. Out of the 3 kids ( hubby is the youngest) the eldest is having a breakdown.. the middle never got along with her mother ( they’re very much alike) and my hubby is like..it is what it is. The writing was on the wall for a while now.. Fvck I’m emotionally tanked. I’ve fielded calls from all 3 today and their emotions.. I wish I could drink..hmmm Ice cream will suffice. A few bites and I’ll be good 😌
Yup, Morgan. And what you just described...is the strength I was pointing at.
Surviving… while creating a life that’s actually good.
Holding space for three very different emotional responses...without collapsing into any of them.
Knowing you’re tanked, naming it...and choosing the thing that soothes instead of numbs.
That’s regulation under pressure. That’s resilience without drama.
And...days like this...are exactly when it shows up...not as force...but as steadiness.
You didn’t cause the fracture in that family...and you’re not responsible for fixing it. You’re doing what you’ve always done: absorbing what’s YOURS to carry...and setting down what isn’t.
I’m really sorry about your MIL. Even when the writing’s on the wall...the day itself still hits hard. Let yourself be done for today.
Ice cream absolutely counts as wisdom here.
You don’t need to power through this one.
You’re already doing enough...quietly...competently...and exactly as you are!
-Jack
Ok I might be underestimating my stress.. The whole pint should do it😂
I endorse this message...lol.
-Jack
No need to apologize for doing what it takes to get through it. I don’t drink, either, but ice cream has never let me down. Sending warm thoughts.
🫶🏽I knew I liked you Susan
You touch it with a needle - again! Outstanding pièce
I like to hear that, Mike. I appreciate it. Glad it landed with you!
-Jack
You have absolutely no idea how this is particularly important for me to read this today. I have printed this post out to constantly remind me. You see I had a mini meltdown over some studying I was doing for my Italian drivers test (consisting of a possible 7,000 tricky questions in Italian). My husband reminded me that I have accomplished other harder things. I followed his advice and went and did some other things. Later I figured a better way to study. Joining your substack has been more than worth it. You have helped me in many ways. Grazie Mille!
That means more than you probably realize, Linn... truly.
What happened today wasn’t a failure moment. It was a pattern interrupt moment. You hit frustration...paused.........instead of spiraling...remembered your own history of competence...stepped away...then found a smarter approach.
That’s not luck...that’s earned self-trust reasserting itself.
Your husband was right, but more importantly...you listened. That’s what resilient people do. They don’t power through blindly...they recalibrate.
And let me say this clearly:
Studying 7,000 tricky questions in a second language is not “small.” It feels small only because you’ve already done hard things...which skews your internal yardstick.
Printing the post tells me something else too...you’re building anchors. Reminders...that you can touch when the mind gets noisy. That...is wisdom.
I’m genuinely honored the work here has helped you...and grateful you’re part of this community.
Grazie mille...right back!
And yes, Linn… you’ve absolutely got this.
-Jack
I’ve been told all my life that I’m strong. I’m definitely resilient. Life has a way of bringing it out.
Indeed, Lori. People haven't said that to you...just to be saying it.
-Jack
True strength isn’t the bombast we’re taught to admire — it’s the quiet resilience you’ve already been using your whole life, even when scared. Recognizing that inner capacity is how individuals and democracies endure strain, not collapse.
#HOLDFAST
Yes, YEs, YES!
-Jack
Side note: Appreciate returning to your old profile picture. A guy in a baseball cap isn’t a superhero — we all need some structure and foundation to navigate the world. No offense intended.
This comes at the right time for me.
Thank you, Jack.
Fantastic, CJ. That comment is pleasing to my eyes...and to a feeling...that goes deeper.
You're certainly welcome.
-Jack
Thanks for the reminder. I don’t really think about it but, objectively, I’ve survived a bunch of stuff that would be considered traumatic. I just call it life and I carry on. I don’t deny it, but it doesn’t run my life. I learned at an early age that shit happens, and it sucks, but you don’t let it control you. If that’s what you’re talking about, then yeah.
Yes, Chichi...that’s EXACTLY what I’m talking about.
What you’re describing isn’t denial or minimization. It’s INTEGRATION. You don’t pretend hard things didn’t happen...but you also don’t hand them the steering wheel. That’s a learned skill...usually forged early...usually without applause.
A lot of people think resilience means “I’m fine.”
What you’re describing...is more precise: “This happened. It mattered. And...I still choose how I move forward.”
That’s not toughness for show. That’s agency...under REALISM.
Calling it “just life” doesn’t mean it wasn’t traumatic...it means you refused to let the trauma become your identity. You absorbed it...adapted...and carried on. Quietly. Effectively.
So...yes...if that’s what YOU meant?
Then yeah. That’s EXACTLY it!
-Jack
Yep. We’re congruent.
Thanks for the reminder!
Absolutely, Lindal. My pleasure!
-Jack
I have a reminder printed on an index card that asks:
ARE YOU MAKING CHOICES THAT DEMONSTRATE A SUPPORT FOR THE GOALS YOU'VE SET?
I don’t post it in one place, but move it around every few days so that I see it anew. It has been on the refrigerator, food pantry, cupboard, kitchen window, bathroom mirror, above the wall calendar, the microwave door. Thank you for the reminder that I have personal agency over more than I realize.
That index card tells me a lot about you, Ytram.
You’re not outsourcing discipline to mood or motivation...you’re engineering awareness.
Moving the question so it stays fresh...is exactly how people with real agency operate. You’re not trying to be perfect...you’re trying to stay ORIENTED.
And...that question is the right one. Not “are you succeeding?” Not “are you failing?”
But, are your choices aligned...today, in THIS moment.
That’s where power actually lives.
What matters most...is what you named at the end: realizing you have more agency than the stress narrative wants you to believe. When things feel heavy...or overwhelming...the mind shrinks the field of control. Your practice...EXPANDS it again.
That’s not self-help. That’s self-command.
I’m glad the reminder landed when it did. And...I’m glad you’re here; people who ask questions like that...quietly change outcomes...even...when no one’s watching!
-Jack
Thanks for sharing all of this, Jack.
Mary E...of course. YOU...are welcome. I appreciate you being here. I really do.
-Jack
Another terrific article today, Jack, Keep on Keepin' On 💥 and will reStack ASAP 🙏
Karen, I appreciate that. I promise...I WILL keep on keepin' on. And...thank you for the reStack!
-Jack
Exactly.