Isn't it a blessing to look beyond the awfulness of so many aspects of the world around us and experience the beautiful things that count: love, patience, devotion, truth, endurance. Things that really count when all seems lost. Thank you, Jack, for bringing us back to what really matters.
You are so right. It is so great to find the good in what is out there. Unfortunately, in most families, there is little assistance the state helps with. I suggest a small group of friends or church group is helpful or family group. Social workers can help if you can find one. Ask around at a community hospital.
Jack-beautifully written. You know I’m fighting with you. You’ve seen my front door. My wife of 52 years died nine months ago from Alzheimer’s. I know the pain I’ve seen the suffering. Thanks so much for telling the story. I admire this couple deeply.
I kiss my wife every day and tell her I love her because she deserves to be reinforced of my commitment just in case there could be a day I won’t be able to communicate those thoughts and feelings. Thanks for a different look at what’s important.
I had to deal with Alzheimer's patients as an RN working in the Home Health Care industry doing admissions and visits to themes. I have always been in awe how the caregiver was able to keep going .The scary ones were the ones whose spouse had become an agitated, violent one. Those we had toward with social services to get placed. Irt was so sad. I had a patient whose spouse tried to kill her. The worst thing was their longtime doctor fired her husband because "he did not do what he was instructed to do". He was not capable by that time and the wife had been asking for help. She managed to get a 911 callout the night he tried toil her and she survived amazingly but it was just sad to see her having to live in constant pain from the beating he gave her and how the doctor did not step the way she should have. I am glad the ones in yo writing are not in that situation. Most of my patients were just very confused and forgetful and required 24 hr supervision. I believe my other half is entering the beginning stages. I am going to have to get our primary to have him tested.
Thank you for writing about Alzheimer’s, and yes it does make one consider mortality and who will be there for me and OMG what if...I’m alone? ...my partner abandons me and my dogs? ....etc. It’s easy to spin out on this.
I know my APOE status, and am doing everything I can, every day, to stop the disease from starting. There are lots of valid interventions now to lower the risk. So that feels good, doing something.
When I lost my only child to suicide 3 years ago, I thought I would die. During that dark time I discovered Pauline Boss, a clinical psychologist I think, whose main body of work was on “ambiguous loss,” a term she coined. It’s very relevant for caregivers of dementia patients.. grieving the ongoing loss of a loved one’s consciousness while caring for the body that lives on--it’s a special kind of torture. Gone but not gone, so how to grieve? She’s a treasure, worth looking up.
Also, mortality does suck. So does gravity. Who knew??
Wish you deep restful sleep. Know that you are helping guide thousands of us with your steady thoughts through these turbulent times. Know this: “You are deeply loved and cherished forever. You will be taken care of. You have nothing to fear.”
My mom was diagnosed with an early onset type of Dementia called PICKS Disease. She was 58. A year older than I am now. My grandfather (her father) died from Dementia. I watched the strongest, most kindest man I have ever known slip away and it was one of the hardest things I've ever been through in my life. You see, my grandfather always knew who I was. He never forgot me and he even knew who my best friend was. With my mom, it was the complete opposite. I was the first kid she forgot and because I look like my bio-dad, I am no longer permitted to see her because she has "episodes" after seeing me.
I appreciate you sharing this story. I can't imagine what my step-dad is going through with my mom. I never respected that man until he stepped up and took care of my mom refusing to put her in a memory care facility. I have mad respect for him for that.
To work in service has always been my passion. Everyone has gifts. People are fascinating and have amazing skill and talent. Spending my life around such compassionate and kind people has truly been inspiring. I spent 13 years in college, grad and doctoral program, but learned the best lessons from others I was working with.
Thank you, Jack. There are three couples in our circles with this exact issue. Two of the men we’ve known a long time, a neighbor and a church friend. Max is a semi-famous artist who can no longer paint. The newer friend was a physician who had to retire early. I went to nursing school where he worked. We have the same conversation every time I see him. But he still loves to sing. Our neighbor always jogged, but now he can’t be left alone. These men are older than your friend, but not much. The women are saints. One relentlessly cheerful, one grumpy but stoic, one still in shock. It does do one good to consider something other than rage. 🙏🏼🌻🇺🇦💕👹
While I am here with you through “THINK and thin…” I’m also here…through THICK and thin…as well. 😉
You be well, Jack. We are here with you.
This is beautiful. In every way. My brother has ALS and I view my sister-in-law like Karen.
💙💙
Isn't it a blessing to look beyond the awfulness of so many aspects of the world around us and experience the beautiful things that count: love, patience, devotion, truth, endurance. Things that really count when all seems lost. Thank you, Jack, for bringing us back to what really matters.
You are so right. It is so great to find the good in what is out there. Unfortunately, in most families, there is little assistance the state helps with. I suggest a small group of friends or church group is helpful or family group. Social workers can help if you can find one. Ask around at a community hospital.
Jack-beautifully written. You know I’m fighting with you. You’ve seen my front door. My wife of 52 years died nine months ago from Alzheimer’s. I know the pain I’ve seen the suffering. Thanks so much for telling the story. I admire this couple deeply.
I kiss my wife every day and tell her I love her because she deserves to be reinforced of my commitment just in case there could be a day I won’t be able to communicate those thoughts and feelings. Thanks for a different look at what’s important.
I had to deal with Alzheimer's patients as an RN working in the Home Health Care industry doing admissions and visits to themes. I have always been in awe how the caregiver was able to keep going .The scary ones were the ones whose spouse had become an agitated, violent one. Those we had toward with social services to get placed. Irt was so sad. I had a patient whose spouse tried to kill her. The worst thing was their longtime doctor fired her husband because "he did not do what he was instructed to do". He was not capable by that time and the wife had been asking for help. She managed to get a 911 callout the night he tried toil her and she survived amazingly but it was just sad to see her having to live in constant pain from the beating he gave her and how the doctor did not step the way she should have. I am glad the ones in yo writing are not in that situation. Most of my patients were just very confused and forgetful and required 24 hr supervision. I believe my other half is entering the beginning stages. I am going to have to get our primary to have him tested.
Thank you for writing about Alzheimer’s, and yes it does make one consider mortality and who will be there for me and OMG what if...I’m alone? ...my partner abandons me and my dogs? ....etc. It’s easy to spin out on this.
I know my APOE status, and am doing everything I can, every day, to stop the disease from starting. There are lots of valid interventions now to lower the risk. So that feels good, doing something.
When I lost my only child to suicide 3 years ago, I thought I would die. During that dark time I discovered Pauline Boss, a clinical psychologist I think, whose main body of work was on “ambiguous loss,” a term she coined. It’s very relevant for caregivers of dementia patients.. grieving the ongoing loss of a loved one’s consciousness while caring for the body that lives on--it’s a special kind of torture. Gone but not gone, so how to grieve? She’s a treasure, worth looking up.
Also, mortality does suck. So does gravity. Who knew??
Wish you deep restful sleep. Know that you are helping guide thousands of us with your steady thoughts through these turbulent times. Know this: “You are deeply loved and cherished forever. You will be taken care of. You have nothing to fear.”
My mom was diagnosed with an early onset type of Dementia called PICKS Disease. She was 58. A year older than I am now. My grandfather (her father) died from Dementia. I watched the strongest, most kindest man I have ever known slip away and it was one of the hardest things I've ever been through in my life. You see, my grandfather always knew who I was. He never forgot me and he even knew who my best friend was. With my mom, it was the complete opposite. I was the first kid she forgot and because I look like my bio-dad, I am no longer permitted to see her because she has "episodes" after seeing me.
I appreciate you sharing this story. I can't imagine what my step-dad is going through with my mom. I never respected that man until he stepped up and took care of my mom refusing to put her in a memory care facility. I have mad respect for him for that.
WOW! Beautiful! Thank you❤️🙏
To work in service has always been my passion. Everyone has gifts. People are fascinating and have amazing skill and talent. Spending my life around such compassionate and kind people has truly been inspiring. I spent 13 years in college, grad and doctoral program, but learned the best lessons from others I was working with.
This why I am a paid subscriber. Everything you write is useful to me. It reminds me why we keep raising our voices against the storm!
Great story.. nice relief from the Trump mess. It’s good to see something else but we gotta keep the fight every day no let up we can’t let them win
Beautiful essay Jack. Thanks for the reminder
Thank you, Jack. There are three couples in our circles with this exact issue. Two of the men we’ve known a long time, a neighbor and a church friend. Max is a semi-famous artist who can no longer paint. The newer friend was a physician who had to retire early. I went to nursing school where he worked. We have the same conversation every time I see him. But he still loves to sing. Our neighbor always jogged, but now he can’t be left alone. These men are older than your friend, but not much. The women are saints. One relentlessly cheerful, one grumpy but stoic, one still in shock. It does do one good to consider something other than rage. 🙏🏼🌻🇺🇦💕👹
Thank you Jack I needed that story it gave me hope.
Nice! Thanks for the reminder!