The FBI Director Who Wants To “Protect The Capitol”… NOW?

(A Short, Sharp, Swift Kick to the Hypocrisy of Today’s Looney Tunes Press Conference)

The FBI Director Who Wants To “Protect The Capitol”… NOW?

(A Short, Sharp, Swift Kick to the Hypocrisy of Today’s Looney Tunes Press Conference)

The Jack Hopkins Now Newsletter #677: Thursday, December 4th, 2025.

I’ll keep this very short…but…while I was still feeling my blood boil from that deranged…

…excuse of a press conference we all just witnessed…I wanted to slam this out before the absurdity melts into the next absurdity…which…at the rate this administration is performing…should hit sometime around, oh… 11 minutes from now.

***When I write while pissed…the sarcasm pours out automatically…probably my only defense against typing a solid wall of F-bombs…from top to bottom. And…yes…I’m very much still pissed…as I hammer this piece out. It may read more like a rant. I’m good with that. It’s one you need to hear.***

Today, about 45 minutes ago…the FBI Director…yes, that FBI Director…stood at a podium…puffed out his chest like a rooster hopped up on creatine, and declared:

“…we are committed to protecting the Capitol.”

Protecting the Capitol.

Let me repeat that without laughing so hard I choke on my own sarcasm:

THE GUY WHO SPENT YEARS CARRYING WATER FOR ELECTION DENIERS
…NOW CLAIMS
…HE’S HERE TO PROTECT THE CAPITOL.

I don’t know whether to howl…vomit…or send him a Thank You card for the single greatest unintentional comedy bit of the year.

The Setup: A Man Who Defended The People Who Attacked The Building… Now Guards It

Let’s set the table nice and neat, shall we?

This is the same man who:

• Downplayed the election lies that fueled January 6th like jet fuel poured on a trash fire

• Went all-in on the revisionism…the “peaceful protestors” fairytale, the “misunderstood patriots” bedtime story, the “FBI provocateur” fever dreams

• Soft-pedaled…excused…or straight-up defended convicted January 6th felons

• Publicly nodded along with the conspiracy crowd like he was auditioning for a guest spot on Steve Bannon’s podcast

• Treated the coup attempt as if it were an unfortunate scheduling conflict at the Olive Garden

And now this same man…this Grand Marshal of the Insurrection Excuse Parade… wants to wrap himself in the solemn language…of Capitol protection?

This is like the arsonist…returning to the crime scene…wearing a FDNY jacket and trying to lecture us on fire safety.

Give. Me. A. Break.

The Truth: Hypocrisy Isn’t The Problem… It’s The Defective Hardwiring

Listen…

Hypocrisy in politics…is as common as fungus in a high school locker room.
We expect it.
We bake it in.
We don’t even blink at it anymore.

But this?

This isn’t hypocrisy.

This is brain damage dressed in a suit.

This is a man…so deep inside the cult fog…that he can’t distinguish which side of the riot he stood on.

This is someone…who thinks he can just switch hats…mid-parade…and we’ll all politely clap.

The very idea that this Director…this election-denying…coup-minimizing apologist… is suddenly the solemn guardian of the Capitol…would be hilarious if the stakes weren’t so high.

This is the guy they trot out to reassure the nation?

This is the human security blanket?

Hell…I wouldn’t trust this man to guard an egg-salad sandwich at a church picnic. I. Would. Not.

The Press Conference: A MasterClass In “Saying Words You Don’t Believe”

At the podium today…he delivered the performance of a man who has:

1. Forgotten everything he said the past three years…

2. Bet heavily that you forgot too…

3. And smiled like a toddler who thinks hiding behind a curtain makes them invisible.

Every line…oozed…with that forced seriousness politicians adopt…when they’re trying to convince you they’re not lying.

“We are committed to protecting the Capitol.”

“We will not tolerate threats to our democracy.”

“We will safeguard our institutions.”

Uh-huh.
Sure you will, champ.

This is like listening to a pickpocket…promise to guard your wallet. Pure bullshit.

This whole performance could’ve been condensed into one sentence:

“I am now pretending to believe the opposite of the thing I was very loudly believing last week.”

And the press…for the love of Mike…just sat there nodding…like hostages pretending everything’s fine.

The Sick Joke Of “Commitment”

This man’s “commitment” to protecting the Capitol is roughly equivalent to my commitment to becoming a ballerina.

It sounds nice.
It will never happen.
And anyone with eyes knows it.

His public remarks…today…were nothing but an institutional deodorant spray… meant to cover the putrid-stench of a leadership crisis…a legitimacy crisis…and a credibility crater the size of Missouri.

The truth is simple:

If you defend the people who tried to overthrow the government…you don’t get to pretend you’re now the guardian…of the institution they attacked.

That’s not how democracy works.
That’s not how credibility works.
And that G’damn sure isn’t how January 6th works.

The Danger Isn’t His Hypocrisy: It’s What He Actually Believes

What really concerns me isn’t the man’s flip-flopping.

Politicians change stories like kids change socks.

What really concerns me is this:

He meant every word he said before today.

He meant every excuse.
He meant every defense.
He meant every revisionist fairy tale.

The press conference doesn’t erase the truth… it highlights it:

We now have an FBI Director who publicly embraces democracy when the cameras are on…
…and privately endorses the lies that put democracy at risk.

That is a recipe for disaster.

Not a scandal.
Not a controversy.
A systemic weakness.

You cannot enforce the law…while worshipping the people who broke it. F*CK. This. Is. Not. Rocket. Science.

Unless…of course…the purpose isn’t enforcement…
but control.

Here’s What Today Really Signals

This wasn’t a reassurance.

This was a warning.

Today’s performance wasn’t about calming the country…it was about…consolidating power within a narrative they’ve already chosen:

The coup wasn’t a coup.
The attackers weren’t attackers.
The felons were heroes.
And the FBI is not a neutral force…it is a political arm.

So when this Director says “protecting the Capitol,” understand what he really means:

Protecting the administration’s power.
Not the institution.

And certainly not…the democracy it stands for.

The Final Word

I promised I’d keep this short…so here’s the bottom line:

A man who defended the criminals of January 6th
A man who excused the lies that fueled the attack
A man who minimized the assault on democracy itself

…has now declared himself the protector…of the very building those criminals stormed.

That’s not leadership.
That’s not patriotism.
That’s not credibility.

That’s performance art…for the collapsing mind…of a collapsing regime.

And we are the unlucky audience obliged to watch the show.

#HoldFast.
More coming.

Back soon,

-Jack

P.S.
And before I go… can we talk about Kashy Patel for one glorious second?

You know…the guy who keeps trying to cosplay as Tom Clancy’s idea of a patriot… while actually functioning…as the world’s most enthusiastic cautionary tale?

Every time he waddles back into the spotlight with that “I’m totally in charge here” energy…the rest of D.C….looks at him the way a bartender looks at a guy who swears he’s sober…but is currently drinking out of a potted plant.

Patel is the political equivalent…of duct-taping a butter knife to your chest…and calling yourself “armed.”

The man has been wrong…more times than a weatherman…with vertigo.
He has aligned himself with more disastrous decisions…than a 19-year-old joining the Marines for the Camaro.
And every time he opens his mouth…somewhere…in the intelligence community…an analyst drops their coffee and mutters:

“Oh, for the love of God, not again.”

And here’s the fun part:

The stuff I can’t say out loud about Patel?
The stuff I’d get a dozen emails about if I dared type it in the free section?
Yeah… that’s all waiting in the paid subscriber version.

Because the next 48 hours are going to reveal a Patel subplot so surreal…so perfectly idiotic…so predictably Patel…that you truly have to read it to believe it.

So if you’re a free reader thinking,
“Damn, I need MORE of whatever this is,”
go ahead and upgrade now.

Tomorrow’s paid piece is going to make this P.S. look like the appetizer…before the tequila hits.

#HoldFast.

More fire coming. (Wheeeew…that felt good. Sometimes…as my Dad likes to say… “You’ve gotta blow the Cobbs out!”)

-Jack