Jack Hopkins Now # 166

Can We Move Past the Political Division and Hate After Electing Kamala Harris? I Have Thoughts on How We Might Start

Politics became so polarized under Trump that even after four years of the Biden administration, many Americans from both political parties have no interest in talking politics with someone from the opposite party.

Of course, the fact that Donald Trump hijacked the Republican party is the primary factor. He may not have been president the last four years, but we would be in denial if we said that electing Joe Biden allowed us to move on. Trump and the MAGA ideology have been like the proverbial ball and chain.

A question I’ve been focused on lately is how we get Americans talking to each other again after Kamala Harris is elected.

Yes, I know; my question presupposes that Kamala Harris will be elected. I’m well aware that she might not, but for this issue of The Jack Hopkins Now Newsletter, I will act as though it’s inevitable.

Back to my question: How do we get Americans talking to each other again after Kamala Harris is elected?

Let’s start by examining an idea I used as a guide for over twenty-five years with clients I was working with.

Once someone determines one or both of the following, their behavior will become far more difficult to deal with, making any meaningful discussions highly unlikely:

1.        They discover that what they want isn’t going to happen.

2.        They discover that what they don’t want is going to happen.

If meaningful one-on-one conversations are going to occur, they will need to involve both people feeling comfortable enough to express their feelings, positions, and concerns with someone who they consider to be on the “other side of the fence.” For this to happen, the parties involved need to feel as though the other person's position isn’t going to make what they don’t want to happen or what they do want to happen not happen.

Think about this for a moment. If you believe that I am voting for someone who, if elected, will cause what you want to happen not to happen and what you don’t want to happen...to happen, how many minutes of your life do you think you’re going to be willing to devote to having a conversation with me about the upcoming election? Probably not many. And, if you are willing to allot a healthy chunk of your time for me, it will likely only be because you want to unload on me for being so “stupid.”

The most effective question I can think of for starting in a way that gives you the best chance of not stepping on one of the aforementioned “land mines” is, “I wish I knew what were the most important things who want the next president to be able to achieve for the country.”

First, you’ll notice no question mark at the end of that question. That’s because I’ve spoken in a way that isn’t perceived as having been asked a question by their conscious awareness-processing brain. However, persons other than conscious language processing brain areas will definitely hear it as though a question has been asked. I call these statements “Invisible Questions.”

Why would I want to use an Invisible Question? The more indirect we can be with our communication when having a conversation with someone who is prone to defensiveness, the better.

People who might be a little grumpy don’t like being asked questions. It feels too much like we're doing something that requires them to respond to us, which only creates more defensiveness.

When we ask an Invisible Question, however, they don’t feel this way. Consciously, they don’t even think they’ve been asked a question. They simply heard us “thinking out loud.” On an other-than-conscious level, though, they’ll respond to the question they detect. It will seem like they chose to comment after we expressed a thought that we just happened to verbalize.

When people feel like they are speaking because they chose to do so, they’ll feel much better about how things are unfolding than they will if they feel badgered by someone bombarding them with questions in an attempt to get them to talk.

To construct a Hidden Question, simply take a question you might have asked directly, like “How did you like the cake we chose for you birthday party?” and put it in statement form, making sure you add “I’m wondering...,” “I don’t know...” or “I ask myself just yesterday...”

“I’ve been wondering how you liked the cake we chose for your birthday party.”

“I don’t really know how you liked the cake we chose for your birthday party.”

“I asked myself just yesterday, ‘I wonder how she liked the cake we chose for her birthday party.’”

Ask the Invisible Question, then shut your mouth. Say nothing, look at them, then slightly raise your eyebrows and right back down. I guarantee you they’ll start talking.

They won’t have experienced any pressure having come from you that they might have felt if you had asked a direct question, however. This is key.

Now, let’s get to the Hidden Question you’ll want to ask: “I wish I knew what were the most important things who want the next president to be able to achieve for the country.”

You’re going to want to pay very close attention to what they tell you. This will be what you’ll use for knowing how to avoid making them feel either one of the following:

1. Discovering that what they want isn’t going to happen.

2. Discovering that what they don’t want is going to happen.

I’ll talk about what to do with the answers they give you to that Invisible Question or any of the follow-up Invisible Questions you might ask to get more needed information to use as your conversation unfolds.

For now, focus on asking an Invisible Question and how you can use it to avoid unnecessarily setting off someone’s “I’m being attacked” alarms.

That’s it for now.

Remember...I appreciate YOU!

Best,

Jack

Jack Hopkins, Founder of The Jack Hopkins Now Newsletter and The Jack Hopkins Show Podcast