Breaking the Cycle: Why Everything You’re Doing to Fix Your Problems Is Keeping You Stuck—And the Simple Shift That Will Finally Set You Free

The Jack Hopkins Now Newsletter #286

Imagine you're stuck in quicksand. Your first instinct is to struggle, to flail, to try harder to escape. But the more you fight, the deeper you sink. The same principle applies to many of the problems we face in life...our natural instincts often lead us to solutions that don’t work. In fact, they make things worse.

One of the early books I read that played a role in shaping not only how I thought about doing therapy but in approaching life in general was Paul Watzlawick’s book, Change: Principles of Problem Formation and Problem Resolution, which describes how people unknowingly create and sustain their own problems by applying the wrong kinds of solutions over and over again.

The good news? Real change is possible...but it requires a different way of thinking.

The Vicious Cycle: Why Trying Harder Makes Your Problems Worse

Think about a common problem...let’s say, a couple arguing about communication. One partner feels ignored and constantly asks the other to talk more. The other partner, feeling pressured, withdraws even further.

So, the first partner demands even more conversation. This cycle continues, leaving both frustrated. Each person is doing more of the same in an attempt to fix things, but it only reinforces the problem.